Unwise Choices 3

In parts one and two of this conversation we looked at our responsibilities to uphold truth and hold ourselves accountable. We learned that in our own ignorance we can make choices that create pain, hurt and lasting emotional damage. Here we will have a look at what can be done at the end of it all to bring forth healing and restoration of relationships. 

As our children grow into adults’ parents should be willing to admit that they made mistakes. They should be willing to sit down with their child and listen to any hurts they may have. This is a healing process that can give the child great freedoms. If the child desires to discuss with the parent hurts or bad memories parents should not only listen but apologize as well. Don’t be so quick to say what did or didn’t happen all because you don’t remember it happening. In many cases parents are so caught up in life and trying to recover from their bad decisions that the last thing they want to hear is what was done wrong or some perceived hurt.

 The parent that will listen will allow their child the opportunity to not only outwardly express this pain and hurt but will allow God to heal that brokenness. Parents should understand that its not a time to defend yourself. Your child is only looking for an apology in most cases. I sat my children down one by one when we had time alone and I asked them. Do you have any memories or hurts caused by my actions? Every one of my children told me yes. I asked if I could know what it was, and they were excited to tell me. I watched them watching me to see if I was upset or hurt. I listened and apologized they forgave me, and all is well.

 The one thing I noticed is that in nearly every situation I was going through something rough in life and an event, comment or perception of rejection was made through my actions. This caused the pain, hurt or offense. I was able to speak to them and explain what happened from my perspective once they were done and through our conversation, they expressed that rejection, hurt and pain and was released from it. We often are tied up in the emotion of a pain hurt or rejection which leads to years of worsening pain as its not healed or spoken of. The child relives that pain much like we do when we haven’t forgiven someone for something. That memory brings agony pain and bad feelings every time it’s thought of.

In some cases, parents don’t allow the child to speak of their hurt as its tied to their hurt from rejection. An example would be a son hurt over his dad not being there for him, but the dad was rejected by the mom. Some parents can make it impossible for the other parents to be there. You shouldn’t make as if you have no fault and allow your child to grow full of hate and anger when you caused it. An example of what I mean is say you have a friend that pressed her baby daddy so hard for child support that he got behind. Living and paying his own bills was next to impossible. She wants every dime she can get. The children miss their dad in their childhood because he’s either always busy at work to stay out of jail or in county lock up to pay off child support debt. Let’s say she had an affair left him and refused in many times to let the children see the dad. How foul is that? Unfortunately, this is the world we live in and a change starts with each of us. We must learn to do better to teach them to do better and in doing so we each can grow in accountability to ourselves and each other but most importantly to God.

Scripture Philippians 4:19, Proverbs 17:22, Ecclesiastes 3:1-8