Unwise Choices Continued

In the power of our choices and the responsibilities we bear from them we discussed three girls and the decisions they made. We will now look at how the decisions made can hurt others and gain a better understanding of love and accountability to those affected by our choices.

 Previously mentioned girl three made better choices in who she bare seed with. Even though her decisions were better than girls one and two there was still many hardships just not financial ones. Girl three is content with seeing that she’s doing well with raising her children to become active, responsible and respectful members of society.

 Girl one did everything she could and gave everything she had. She spoke the truth in a loving way and taught her children the ways of God. Oftentimes she taught them through her mistakes explaining how she did, what she did to get the consequences she got. She taught them the most powerful thing they have is the right to choose and the importance of weighing those choices carefully as they have consequences or rewards. She taught them to be content in any state they are in. Girl one is content her children are making healthy choices.

 Girl two provides all the financial and physical needs for her children but lacks a true sense of love. She has the attitude I gave up so much (her time & body), I work so hard and all I get is ungrateful children that don’t understand how hard it is. Making comments of her misery all the time in front of the children or to them are not only hurtful but, may even make the child wonder why they were born, why you kept them etc. Girl two views the children as ungrateful because after giving all she knows how to give they still want to love and affection.

Children desire the world and want most to be loved. Girls one and three gave all they had, and that love allowed their children to thrive. These girls held themselves accountable for their actions. They raised their children with truth and understanding that what we lack is from the decisions I have made. We don’t have pity parties and we don’t look to place blame elsewhere. It is what it is. We have God and He will always be enough. Girl two is so caught up in the hurt from her decision that she lives out of that hurt place unaware. Her children look to her for contentment and love and she can’t give it. She wonders what else could they possibly want or need from her when she’s giving all she knows how. Girl two cannot give what she doesn’t have. Through pain and hurt she raised her children. They grew up having plenty of nothingness as they never got what they needed from her or their dad as he wasn’t around. These children grew up knowing little of love because two broke people tried to love someone else and didn’t know how to love themselves. They didn’t know the creator of love. And because of this they will continue to produce what they are, brokenness. We cannot teach what we don’t know, and we cannot give what we don’t have.

Children often suffer because of the choices that one or both parents make, and no one (parent or child) addresses this. These children grow up and see the world through the lenses of pain with no real idea of how to get rid of it.  All they do have is each parents version of the pain caused by the other, their memories and their brokenness. We must hold ourselves accountable and tell the truth to our children. We don’t have to be so detailed with information. However, explain I made a choice, and this is the result. We have each other and we will be fine so long as we trust in the Lord.

 Even when parents aren’t so verbal in complaining about what has or what was they can allow their child to grow a hatred for the missing parent if they are not careful to explain the truth in a way that will allow the child to choose later rather to be involved with the missing parent. Women have the responsibility of being wise about who they give their body to and the seed they choose to carry. Men likewise must be just as responsible in who they chose to carry on with as well. No woman wants to tell her child I cheated on your dad and he left us because of my decision. No man wants to tell their child I’m a dog I put my seed in some good women and left them all to raise them alone because I wasn’t ready to settle down, I was just to dumb to do better. No one wants to be the ugly one in the situation especially if it’s the mom or the parent with the child. They don’t want the child to hate them and often will allow the child to fill in the blanks about he missing parent causing only more undue hardship on the child.

I have learned that if we hold ourselves accountable to ourselves for our lives we do better.  We can’t be mad that we met someone went about a relationship the wrong way and ended up with a child. We can’t allow our children to grow up full of anger over a missing parent because we had an affair with a married person, and they were never available for the child. We can’t use children as weapons to get back at each other for pain caused. We can’t give ultimatums to our spouses we choose to stay with after an affair when a child has been born. We must encourage better, healthier decision-making skills of our children that they may do better. God will hold us accountable rather we do so ourselves or not.

Scripture Matthew 12:36; Proverbs 18:17; Proverbs 16:2; Psalms 34:18 ; Isaiah 41:10; Jeremiah 30: 17