Trusting the Process

Today someone I love dearly is going through something similar to what I’ve been through. I felt it in my heart to reach out to them. I don’t think they understand truly how love, trust and forgiveness really works. Really loving someone helps us find that forgiveness its not easy but it’s authentic when we do. I’m so sure that the enemy wants nothing more than for this person to be isolated with hurt feelings so he can fill their head with lies so I refuse to let them be alone. When someone is on your mind reach out to them you never know what they are dealing with. Since the pandemic we all need someone that we can reach out to, talk to and just connect with. So that brings on the question what do you do when you “feel” everything? When you get in your feelings over your mistakes, over your hurt, over your pain and even over other peoples behavior. How do we pull back? walk away even. How do we process these feelings, emotions and thoughts? We struggle with they did me wrong. I didn’t do anything and don’t get me started on the pity parties. Table for one hello.

I’m called to remember a time in my life when I was suicidal. When life was just a mess of pain, deceptions, the wrong people doing the right things and the right people doing all the wrong things. Today I’m healthy and full of joy but only because I pressed through it all. Remembering used to be the most painful of it all. Reliving the hurt that I either caused someone else or they caused me. Heck back then it was all the pain they caused me because I was to immature to see that I actually hurt others. That usually led to some kind of a pity party for one and the bottle. Either way days would go by good days, sometimes lots of them but then those bad days came. The bad days are signs of healing. Our brains understand better than we do that we need things in moderation. If our subconscious mind would pour it all out there we wouldn't have to worry about depression or suicidal thoughts we’d probably just drop dead from some kind of brain or heart failure from the weight of the truth. But God being the loving and caring responsibly kind and compassionate being that He is just doesn’t do it.

In reaching out to talk to what we call friends we must be mindful not everyone is a friend and just cause they family doesn’t make them an instant go to with our sensitive issues. Oftentimes family will be the one to show you why you shouldn’t tell sensitive information to everyone. I would reach out and talk to what I thought was a friend only for them to go behind my back and betray me, lie on me or use my pain to their advantage. Some people only want attention for themselves and to get it they will use your private conversations with them to gossip and entertain others while getting their desire for attention fulfilled. I learned the hard way that everybody is not my friend. That even family would be the first to stab me in the back. I had to find someone that could keep a secret, that was alright with my mess of a life, that wouldn’t be harsh or judgmental but would give me the truth no matter what. I found Him, Christ my rock. He has been my best friend for a long while now and I wouldn't trade that for nothing.

We have all betrayed someone’s trust rather or not it came out in the wash or not. IF it was on purpose or not. We have all been betrayed lied to and lied on right? I think it’s more about what we do when all this happens then the fact its happening. We have to understand that remembering is healing and that pain is growth. We never would have seen the thing wrong with us if that person had not exposed it in us. Don’t let your immaturity or not knowing stop you from growing pass yourself to become the new you. Don’t let it stop you from maturing and seeing how you were, how you are or who you can really be for that matter. See if we don’t press through it all we end up driving through life looking out the rear view mirror when the windshield is before us bigger and brighter. When we embrace that we make mistakes and that’s alright, we embrace the true purpose of the journey called life. This journey is about becoming who we are, not processing feelings. On this journey we are called to grow and mature to do this one must trust the Most High for the process.

Don’t beat yourself up. Learn from your mistakes and when the pain comes from the thoughts of those mistakes grow. Don’t look back, don’t cut yourself off from those you love no matter what you have done and no matter what you perceive they have done to you. Allow your true self to emerge knowing there is purpose in the pain